School continues to suck. I continue to fail. I am failing economics, writer's craft [despite the name of the class, we only did one bit of creative writing. A story that I got 94% on. the only assignment I did], and English. I'm good at the last two, but I just can't seem to care about school. I've written some stuff, including a poem about love. Denied love, involving an over-used image. This image is, of course, tears of blood. I'm not going to put it up here. Nobody looks at mystuff anyways. It's all crap. I wanna join the military. Well not really, but it's the only option left to me. dont have the grades for college or university. I knew this so I didnt even send off applications. military is my only hope. but I still have to graduate, which means Im going to have to force myself to get a fifty at least in an english course....... I don't know what to think anymore... Im mellowing out, i care less about anything now than I ever did. and yet Im worrying about my future, and even at my age Im experiencing a desire to settle down and get married. but then, everybody that might consider me based on looks knows my past history, and if they dont someone tells them. im doomed. cant even get a girlfriend. liked this girl named rachel. hope shes reading this. i dont know what was wrong with me. even though i knew there ws no hope of a relationship there was at least a friendship. i distanced myself and removed myself from here for exactly two months and one week. will not talk to anyone here... will just ramble in this until i am done which is now